Rock and a Hard Place
by Cobra Angel
Summary: Catherine and Sara find their relationship under threat from Eddie. FF relationship.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Catherine, Sara, and CSI are not mine, unfortunately.  
  
Rating: PG-13/NC-17  
  
A/N: C/S established relationship. They have been living together for 3 months. Set before Eddie died.  
  
"Cath, please!" Mark practically begged, "I've got no-one else. If I don't find a new lead dancer, I'm done for; they'll sack me! The boss says it's my responsibility and I'll be making up the earnings out of my own pocket if I want to keep my job. You know I can't afford to do that!"  
  
"From the sound of it, it's your fault the last one left! Making fucking you part of her job description, well I'd expect nothing better from you, but telling her boyfriend when you knew he had a violent streak was low, even by your standards. It's kinda difficult to put on a show when you're black and blue from head to toe."  
  
"Think of the money you'd make in tips," he wheedled, ignoring the insults.  
  
"Mark, I said no. I'm out of that life now, and I have no intention of going back."  
  
"Come on, help out an old friend," Mark changed tactics.  
  
"Last time I checked, being an ex-brother-in-law didn't automatically make you an old friend who I have an obligation to help, especially since me and Eddie are not on the best of terms."  
  
They glared at each other for a few seconds. Mark realised he was not going to win. "Well, if you ever change your mind, call me. You could make a lot of money if you went back to it." He shut her front door a little harder than necessary as he left.  
  
Catherine sighed. She knew she was doing the right thing turning him down, but she had to admit a tiny part of her found his offer tempting. There was a thrill to dancing, to being more in control of men's minds, bodies and emotions than they were themselves. But being a CSI was more rewarding and it had a thrill of its own when the last piece of the puzzle slotted into place and the case was solved. Catherine jumped as the door opened and shut again and for an instant she thought it was Mark back to wheedle some more, until she realised he couldn't have got back in without a key.  
  
Sara kissed Catherine hello. "Who was that I saw pulling off the drive?"  
  
"Mark. Eddie's brother."  
  
"What did he want? He looked pissed. Did he come to hassle you?" Catherine felt a warm rush of love at Sara's protectiveness. It made her smile that the younger woman thought she, who kicked ass with the best of them, needed protecting from one pathetic guy. But at the same time it was so sweet, so typical of Sara.  
  
"No, he wanted me to come and dance at Heaven. He works there, and it's his fault the last lead dancer left. The manager's told him it's his responsibility to find a new one, at least as a stop-gap until they can find someone more long-term or until one of the other girls learns enough to be lead."  
  
"You said no, right?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
Sara pulled Catherine to her feet and nuzzled her neck as she started to unbutton her blouse. "Good, because I don't want anyone else seeing this." she whispered as she kissed a trail downwards and across Catherine's newly exposed breasts.  
  
Catherine smiled and sighed. "I don't want anyone else to see me either. But I need you to do more than see me, right now." She grabbed Sara's hand and pulled her towards their bedroom.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"But Daddy, why can't I have donuts for breakfast?" Lindsey was on her fortnightly weekend visit to her father, and because of her stubborn streak (so similar to her mother's), they did not always agree on important matters, like what to eat.  
  
"Because donuts are not a good thing to have for breakfast, Lindsey," replied Eddie. "And your Mom would kill me if I let you and she found out."  
  
"But I have them at home sometimes. Well, I've had them once," she added, because Catherine had always taught her to be honest.  
  
"Your mother let you eat donuts for breakfast?"  
  
"No, Sara did. Mommy says she spoils me, but I think she's really nice. She reads me bedtime stories too, when Mommy's too busy." Lindsey said all this with the innocence of a child, but Eddie's face reddened in anger as the penny dropped.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sara stretched luxuriously and then snuggled into Catherine's smaller frame. Catherine was just waking up and Sara gave her a slow good-morning kiss, which she returned, heating things up by slipping her tongue into Sara's mouth. Sara smiled at the fact Catherine's sex-drive was awake before she was. She stroked her hand over Catherine's back and down to her ass, pulling her close, then ran her hands back up to caress her breasts. She was rewarded with a moan, which caused heat to pool between her legs. Unfortunately for her, this was followed by another moan of the less sexual variety as Catherine woke up enough to realise the time. "Sara, honey, I'm really sorry," she said, pulling away reluctantly, "but we've got to put this off till later. I've got to go pick up Lynds in half an hour."  
  
"Well, I suppose we'll just have to make up for lost time later," Sara smirked, disappointed but understanding that Catherine's first priority was her daughter.  
  
Forty-five minutes later Catherine was knocking on Eddie's front door. It opened and Lyndsey leapt on her, wrapping her arms round her neck. "Mommy!"  
  
"Hey sweetie!" Catherine hugged her daughter back. tightly, then turned to Eddie. "Everything okay?"  
  
"Everything has been fine with Lyndsey, but you and I need to have a talk."  
  
Catherine noted the dangerous look in his eyes and sent Lyndsey to sit in the car before following Eddie into his living room.  
  
"What do you want Eddie? I'm in a hurry."  
  
"Mark told me he came to see you. That he needs you to dance for a while to get him out of a tough spot."  
  
"I already turned him down, what makes you think you're going to be any more successful?"  
  
"Well, I think you might reconsider, being as I know something Mark didn't."  
  
"Stop talking in circles Eddie. What are you saying?"  
  
"I'm saying that I know about your little illicit relationship."  
  
"What?!" Catherine struggled to keep the shock and nervousness off her face.  
  
"You and your girlfriend," Eddie spat the word. "Isn't there a rule at the crime lab about dating co-workers? Something to do with your feelings for each other clouding your judgement when it comes to cases. You aren't exempt from that just because she's a woman, you know. In fact, you must feel something for her, because you can't possibly be getting anything else out of it. I mean, any time you want to be satisfied, come to me and let a real man show you how it's done."  
  
Catherine recovered enough to reply, "You were never a real man, Eddie, and she satisfies me more than you ever did. Besides, who I date has nothing to do with you, so keep your prejudices to yourself."  
  
"Ah, but it does have something to do with me," Eddie said, boiling with rage at Catherine's comment but trying no to show it. "You see, you don't want your friend Grissom to find out about your latest conquest,"  
  
"She's not a conquest!" Catherine cut in.  
  
"Whatever. If you don't want him to find out and transfer one of you, I suggest you go and dance for Mark. It's only for a couple of weekends."  
  
"Are you blackmailing me Eddie?"  
  
"Call it what you like, it's just how things are going to be."  
  
At that moment Catherine was having trouble keeping her anger in check, so before she did anything to get herself hauled in on an assault charge, she walked out.  
  
"Get back to me soon with your decision Catherine, or I might lose patience," Eddie called after her as the door slammed.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 


	2. Chapter two

She rolled over and glanced at the clock, careful not to disturb her lover who was sleeping soundly next to her. It read 15:00 and Catherine was still wide awake. She was very thankful that although Sara didn't sleep much, when she did she slept like a log. She couldn't bear the idea of having to lie to the woman she loved about what was bothering her, so she tried not to let it show.  
  
Despite spending every moment since yesterday trying to find a way out of her problem, Catherine could think of nothing else she could do except go and dance for Mark.. If she didn't, Eddie would tell Grissom and he would have no choice but to transfer one of them to another lab, which would be in another city. How could they maintain a relationship like that? The only other option once Grissom found out would be for one of them to quit. Sara, with her unselfish nature, would argue it should be her, and Catherine wouldn't let her do that. It would undoubtedly cause tension between them if one of them had to sacrifice a job they loved on the altar of their relationship.  
  
No, she thought, Grissom mustn't know. And aside from killing Eddie, which was looking more and more tempting right now, the only way to keep it from him was to do as Mark asked. She wondered what Eddie was getting out of this. Maybe Mark was paying him, maybe it was brotherly love, hell, maybe he just enjoyed making her suffer and trying to break up the best relationship she had ever been in. Knowing Eddie, it could have been elements of all three.  
  
She knew it would have to be a secret from Sara. She couldn't stand the thought of her possessive lover knowing that half of Las Vegas would be seeing her practically naked. She didn't know how Sara would take that. Catherine was an honest person by nature and it hurt her so much to think she was going to have to lie to someone she loved, but it may well be the only way to save their relationship, she realised.  
  
She carefully leaned over Sara's sleeping form and picked up her mobile phone from the bedside table. With growing feelings of guilt and dread, she started to text Eddie her answer.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sara's tongue slipped past Catherine's lips and ran over her teeth before duelling with her tongue. Sara's hands wandered over Catherine's back then slid round her hips, over her stomach and up to undo her buttons. Up till then, Catherine had been responding, her hands tangled in Sara's dark hair, but now she pulled away.  
  
"Stop."  
  
Astonished, Sara released her hold and stepped back. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I just.I'm not in the mood, Sara."  
  
"But." Sara shook herself. She must have read the signals wrongly. Again. "Never mind. It's okay. Come and sit down, we'll watch some TV."  
  
Catherine felt tears brimming in her eyes and fled the room, whispering, "I'm sorry," as she went. She practically ran, trying to get to the cool air outside to calm down. Sara caught up with her at the front door, and led her back into the living room.  
  
"What's wrong?" She sat them both down on the settee.  
  
"Nothing. I'm fine. Sorry, I just haven't been sleeping properly recently and I'm tired." She managed a wan smile, and kept the guilt and pain she felt at lying buried as much as she could in case Sara saw it.  
  
Sara, not totally satisfied but unable to pinpoint why, just nodded. "Catherine, can I ask you something?"  
  
Catherine nodded, half terrified in case Sara had found out yet half hoping she had.  
  
"Do you still find me attractive?"  
  
Surprised, Catherine hurried to reassure, "Of course! What on Earth makes you ask that?"  
  
"You never initiate sex with me anymore. And when I do, the whole time it's like you're not really there. Like you're putting up this wall between us. And then tonight, you turn me down. Cath, that's never happened before in the ten months we've been together. If you were anybody else, I wouldn't be so worried, but it's always been me who couldn't keep up with you." She finished with an apologetic smile, trying not to sound accusatory.  
  
Catherine couldn't think of how to reply. It was all true, but there was no way she could explain to Sara that she felt like a fraud being intimate with her. That she was scared the closeness one night might make her confess everything, or that Sara would take one look into her eyes which were always so expressive post-orgasm and know the truth. Then she would lose her forever.  
  
"Sara, I love you with all my heart. I've just been so busy recently with everything that's been going on at work and with Jane being in hospital. I'm worried about her, she's one of my oldest friends." She felt a heaviness in her heart at making up such a sickening untruth. But she had needed a reason to tell Sara for why she was out so often. Visiting a sick friend gave her an excuse to be out of the house for a few hours each weekend. She felt even worse because it was tantamount to emotional blackmail; trying to get Sara off the subject by making her feel compassionate.  
  
It worked. "I'm sorry, of course you are." Sara ran her fingers through her hair. "I didn't mean to imply you shouldn't be worried, or that you shouldn't go and see her. Just forget I said anything."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 


	3. Chapter three

Catherine gyrated her hips with her arms wrapped around the pole, trying to focus on her movements rather than the unpleasant emotions curling in her stomach. None of her inner turmoil showed on her face, she was too well trained for that. It had astonished her how quickly it all had come flooding back. She had expected it to take a while to get back into it, both the aura she had to give off and the supple movements she had to make. While she had been a little stiff after her first few nights, her body remembered it all.  
  
All eyes were on her, and she guiltily had to admit to herself that she liked the feeling of power. But nothing could make up for the hurt she was going to cause Sara. She had been looking through rose-coloured glasses when she had first felt vaguely tempted by Mark's offer. Catherine had remembered the customers as less seedy looking. Some looked like smart businessmen, some obviously students, some otherwise-loving husbands, but no matter how different they were on the outside they all had the same look in their eyes. They all saw her as a sex object, not a person.  
  
She walked slowly along the edge of the stage, swinging her hips, stretching her toned right leg out in front of several men on her way to have dollar bills pushed into her silk garter. It made her shudder inside, the way they took as much time as they could get away with, leering at her the whole time. She caught sight of Mark standing by the bar and the careful mask keeping her real feelings off her face nearly slipped as he met her eyes and smiled with self-satisfaction.  
  
The song finished, the last one she had to dance that night, and she put on a mock sad face and waved bye-bye to the men over her shoulder as she went back-stage. Catherine breathed a sigh of relief as she changed out of the uncomfortable clothes into her jeans and red jumper. She said goodbye to the other girls and slung her bag over her shoulder as she pushed the back door open and got out into the cool air. She walked down the street towards her car, noticing every small sound after the noise in the club. The air felt fresh after the smoke and alcohol smell she had put up with for the last two hours and Catherine stood still for a second to breathe it in and clear her mind.  
  
It was that moment he chose to step out of the shadows. "Kitty-Cat." She jumped.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"You know what I want. I'm willing to pay you $100, and a nice hotel room, no grotty motels."  
  
"I'm not interested." Catherine tried to move past him  
  
"Not interested? I've never met a dancer who doesn't turn tricks before!"  
  
"Well, now you have." She again tried to push past him, but this time he pushed her backwards forcefully. She fell backwards when her heel hit the kerb and her head connected with the ground with a dull thud. The last thing she saw before she passed out were his long fingers on his belt buckle.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Please, I'm begging now! Reviews are what I need to live! 


	4. Chapter four

"Hey Grissom, where's Catherine?"  
  
"Warrick, Sara, Nick. Sit down. Catherine is in hospital, she's been attacked."  
  
Sara felt ice close round her heart. "What happened?"  
  
"She was walking to her car on Franklin Street and some guy jumped her from behind. She was knocked unconscious. We don't know the motive behind the attack yet. At first we thought it was just a standard mugging, but her bag was at the scene and her purse was still in it."  
  
Reality hit and Sara started hyperventilating. "But.she was going to the hospital to visit her friend.she was supposed to meet me here." she broke off and her hand flew to her mouth. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Warrick put a comforting arm round her shoulder.  
  
"Griss, how is she? Is she awake yet?"  
  
"No. She's had a nasty blow to the head. The doctors say it may be a couple of days before she comes round. So that's a couple of days we'll have to do without our main witness in our top priority case, so, as always, follow the evidence."  
  
Nick still looked in shock, but Sara and Warrick looked the most determined Grissom had ever seen them. He knew if any CSI's could solve this case, his team could.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Right, what have we got?" Nick and Warrick were spreading out the evidence they had collected so far on the table. Sara stood back a little, her brow furrowed in concentration. She looked white and drawn but other than that there was no outward sign of her overwhelming terror that Catherine would not make it, or her hurt that she had been lied to. Catherine had been found miles away from the hospital, and she had checked the hospital records for every Jane that had been there for more than two weeks. Then she had personally gone and talked to each one, and none of them knew Catherine. So what had she been doing for all that time each week? Sara felt a sick certainty that Catherine must have been cheating on her. It would explain the fact Catherine had been less interested in sex recently, and had been so distant. But why? Am I that bad in bed that she needs to go elsewhere? It's something you can ask her when she wakes up, she promised, trying to reassure herself that that would happen. Because, even if Catherine had been cheating, Sara knew she still loved her and always would. She shook herself and tried to concentrate on what Nick and Warrick were doing.  
  
"Purse, full of money. Lots of money. So it wasn't a mugging." Nick picked the purse up in a gloved hand and moved it to one side of the table.  
  
"What was she doing with that much money on her late at night anyway?" Warrick asked.  
  
"Sara, you were the last one to talk to her, weren't you? Did she mention getting money from somewhere for something?"  
  
"No, she just said she was going to the hospital." Sara tried to swallow the lump in her throat.  
  
"Besides man, no cash point gives out bills this crumpled and in this many denominations," Warrick chipped in.  
  
Their confusion was interrupted by all three pagers going off simultaneously. They met Grissom in his office. "Hospital just called. Rape kit came back negative." Sara breathed a huge sigh of relief, and Warrick and Nick visibly relaxed. It was something Sara had been having nightmares about all of the previous night, along with the fear that Catherine might not wake up. Grissom continued, "And Brass arrested the guy whose prints were on Catherine's watch strap. He's bringing him in for questioning now."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Hey, man, I didn't do anything! I don't know no 'Catherine Willows'. I swear!"  
  
"Then why have we got your fingerprints on her watch strap?" demanded Brass.  
  
"Maybe you were trying to restrain her, or she was fighting you off when you attacked her. Your fingerprint, and two eye-witnesses who saw you fleeing the scene is enough to convince a jury you had something to do with the attack." Sara watched his face carefully, trying to detect any fear there.  
  
"Look, I'll level with you. I was there." Brass looked triumphant. "But I didn't hurt her. I was trying to help her! I've no reason to hurt her! Kitty-Cat is one of my favourite dancers! I was."  
  
"What?" Sara was almost out of her seat. "Dancers?"  
  
"Yeah, you know, at Heaven." Sara ran from the room, and Brass suspended the interview and instructed a junior officer to take the suspect back to his cell.  
  
Sara locked herself in a cubicle in the ladies and sobbed. How could Catherine do this to me? She'd said she turned down Mark's offer of a job. Why did she want to dance again? Why did she lie to me? She's shown half of Las Vegas parts of her only I should see. I'd almost rather she'd have been cheating. Almost but not quite. Sara started to calm down a little, getting her breathing under control. It took her a while, but eventually she was ready to resume the interview. She sought out Brass.  
  
"What happened in there, Sara?"  
  
It took a while to convince Brass that she was fit to go back into the interview room, but he gave in, knowing her and Catherine had been friends and she would want to be there.  
  
"Carry on, Mr Harvey, she's one of your favourite dancers." Brass said.  
  
"Right. So I come out of the club and see some guy standing over her undoing his trousers. So I yelled at him to leave her alone. He didn't look like he was going to, so I picked up a piece of piping from the ground and threatened him with it. Then he left."  
  
"If you didn't hurt her, why run off before the police or the ambulance got there?"  
  
Mr Harvey shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I don't want my wife to know I was at Heaven. It would hurt her too much. So I called the ambulance, then when I heard the sirens approaching, I left."  
  
Brass and Sara shared a glance. It was obvious to them both that he was telling the truth. "Okay, you're free to go. We'll contact you if we want to know anything else."  
  
After he had left, Sara turned to brass. "Well, that explains why she was attacked; it was an attempted rape, and also why the rape kit came back negative." Brass nodded. Sara's pager went off at that moment and the message read "caths awake." She stood quickly and said to Brass, "She's awake," before walking swiftly out of the door. 


	5. Chapter 5

She broke every speed limit on the way to the hospital.  
  
Having rushed to get there, Sara found herself standing outside Catherine's room, unable to face her. After about a minute of just looking at Catherine through the glass in the door, she steeled herself and pushed it open. "Hey."  
  
"Hey."  
  
"You look pretty bad. You in a lot of pain?"  
  
"Not really, they got me doped up with so many pain killers."  
  
Unable to hold it in any longer, Sara burst out, "Why did you do it Cath? You told me you turned him down. We're not desperate for the money, so I can only assume you did it because you wanted to-"  
  
"Sara-" Catherine tried to cut in, but Sara continued, hardly drawing a breath.  
  
"Why, Cath? That's what I really want to know. Is life with me so boring that you need to take your clothes off for a bunch of sad old men to get a thrill? What am I not giving you that they are?"  
  
Catherine tried to interrupt again, and was successful this time as Sara's eyes filled with tears and she sat down on the chair near the foot of the bed, trying to get her emotions under control. "Sara, you give me everything that I need, or want. I should have told you, I should have and I didn't and." She paused and blinked back her own tears. "I didn't want to dance again, I had to." She paused for a breath and Sara jumped in.  
  
"If you needed the money for something, you could have just asked me, I mean, I know I haven't got that much, but I'd have found it somehow. You knew how it would make me feel to know you were dancing again, obviously you knew or you wouldn't have hidden it. All of those men have seen you on stage in next to nothing, all of them thinking what it would be like to fuck you, then going to the toilets and jerking off imagining it's you. Are my feelings worth so little to you that you'd-"  
  
"Sara! Will you shut up and listen to me!" Surprised at the force behind Catherine's words, she did. "It wasn't about the money." Sara looked incredulous. Catherine ignored her expression and continued. "Eddie knew about us, I don't know how. I guess Lynds told him. Please don't be mad with her, it wasn't her fault."  
  
"I would never blame Lyndsey. I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt you."  
  
"Or you, either."  
  
For the first time, Catherine felt the hostility in the room drop a little. Sara's love for Lyndsey was something she knew she could always count on, even if after this, Sara no longer loved her.  
  
She plunged headlong into an explanation, wanting, needing Sara to understand even if afterwards she walked out of her life for ever. She included all her reasoning and how much it had hurt her to lie, feeling so relieved to finally be able to say the words out loud.  
  
Sara sat quietly throughout the whole thing, no emotion on her face as the torrent of words flowed, just listening. Her stoic expression scared Catherine. Even when Catherine had finished, she still sat without speaking, processing the information.  
  
"Sara?"  
  
"I'm so sorry." Sara's expression softened and the tears were back in her eyes. "I shouldn't have assumed, and I shouldn't have shouted at you anyway when you're in this state. I mean, look at you." Sara paused and put her head in her hands. "I just hated the idea that you valued me so little."  
  
"But, Sara-"  
  
"I know. You did this for us, didn't you? It was just my insecurities getting the better of me. Again." She gave Catherine a watery smile. Her face darkened. "I was so scared, you know. When they told me you'd been attacked. I thought maybe." She trailed off and swallowed. "And then we found out how close it was. If that guy hadn't chased him off." She stopped again. Catherine patted the bed, and as soon as Sara had moved she pulled her into an embrace. She knew how difficult it must have been for Sara to admit her fears. To tell the truth, it had scared Catherine more than anything else ever had. As soon as she had woken up enough to remember what happened, her world had seemed to crumble. She had spent ten minutes alone trying not to think about it, trying to convince herself it was not real. Trying to blank her mind against the image of long fingers on a belt buckle Then the nurse outside had noticed she was awake. She cried with relief when she was told her assailant had been chased off. Not normally a religious person, she had nonetheless found herself muttering several prayers of thanks.  
  
They pulled apart to look at each other. Sara brushed an errant strand of hair off Catherine's face, running her fingers lightly over the bruising on her cheek. "You still should have told me, you know," she said softly.  
  
"I know."  
  
"You take too much on yourself. You don't have to try and protect everyone else. It must be something to do with being a mother. But I'm a big girl. We might have been able to figure out a way out of it together. Even if Grissom found out, I could have got another job. You didn't have to dance to keep the secret."  
  
"It's exactly because you feel like that that I couldn't tell you. You can't give up being a CSI, and Ecklie wouldn't have hired anyone from Grissom's team. It wasn't that I don't trust you or anything, I just knew one of us would have to do something we wouldn't want to do to stop Eddie and Mark. I did not want it to be you."  
  
Sara leaned forwards and kissed Catherine tenderly, mindful of her bruises. "And that's one of the reasons I love you." 


End file.
